Volume 41 ~ 2018
Creative Writing Instructor:
Jade Gonzalez (BER-trand, not ber-TRAND - 4th Year SHP) lives with her beloved cats: Dipper and Mabel. She teaches her siblings mixed martial arts so that the Gonzalezes can fight the other families and become the supreme SHP clan. Her herd of ostriches are trained assassins, and she plans to die at the age of forty being stampeded by her flightless birds. She was once caught on the toilet with a popsicle in each hand. Her future plans include going to the University of Pennsylvania, not Penn State, and living in a houseboat on a rooftop pool in Dubai.
Abby Waldo (Alma - 4th Year SHP) loves to dress up like Waldo so nobody can find her. Adam Levine is Abby3’s new best friend, they love to star in movies together. Abby3 has been in Creative Writing for 4 years. Abby3’s favorite colors are purple and grey, her least favorite color is brown. Abby3 loves to write down funny things that people say.
Hallie Prickett (Alma - 4th year SHP) once wanted to climb Mount Everest, and then read the Yelp reviews and decided she better not. Her favorite activities include smelling peppers and onions, hollering at zoo animals, and playing french horn in her band called “Cow Husk”. Hallie’s daydreams are filled with whole peanuts and paintings. Next year, she will be attending UNK (#golopes) and major in nursing. She will also minor in miniature camel breeding and rhubarb farming. When Hallie grows old, she wishes to be the queen of a small island. All of her subjects will be birds, and she will spread love by baking them all beautiful pies. She will stare into the sunset while her kingdom chirps in happiness around her, and think back on her days of feeling cow stomachs. Also subscribe to her Youtube channel, where she creates art just as beautiful as her bird kingdom pies.
Sara Lundeen (Axtell - 3rd Year SHP) has a passive aggressive parrot named Penny. She sailed the Scandinavian seas on a quest to find the scent of Totino’s Cheese Pizza Rolls. Sara’s summer home is a Hobbit Hole in New Zealand where she makes illegal fireworks. Often, Sara can be found listening to movie soundtracks of the latest box office flops. Someday, Sara expects to be decapitated be a creepy old man with a square scythe. When Sara leaves her house she is followed by the spirit of her late grandfather who makes silly faces at her. In another lifetime, Sara was a traveling saleswoman who specialized in selling talking cats which later inspired the musical Cats. One time Sara attempted to climb a castle using her long flowing hair but instead fell and broke her favorite lawn gnome.
Hope Anderson (Holdrege - 2nd Year SHP) will be a sophomore in Holdrege, and this is her second year in Creative Writing. When she’s not drooling over her dream of a young Bill Clinton, she can be found watching memes on YouTube in her old shaggy bathrobe that was once white. But don’t worry, it’s clean - when she was five, she decided to take her soap outside and take a shower in the rain. Way to use your resources, Hopeless. One of her (many, many, many) talents is sitting Indian style. She is able to walk around like that, and can allegedly go down the stairs with her legs still crossed! I mean, come on Bill Clinton, what’s not to love? While in the dark hole under her bed, her natural habitat, she can be found dancing like a duck, singing “High School Musical” with Abby, and using her cat, KiKi, as a pillow (which she pronounces “pellow”). While mixing up words is her specialty, she is also amazing at making annoying puns.
McCartney Elliot (Holdrege - 1st year SHP) has abandoned her daydreams of 90’s boy band members and has instead decided to pursue a career in wine-tasting. However, she will NEVER taste squid or sushi. Or squid sushi. Never. Her distinguished palate comes from her kind-of-recent experience of dipping mashed potatoes into ice cream (although she claims she has never committed a crime). This is McCartney’s first year of five in the Creative Writing class, but we aren’t sure how she got in since she can’t spell. Let it be known that McCartney likes boys and definitely doesn’t like the color green, like, at all. Her favorite song is “Heart Goes On” by Celine Dión, can do a pretty good impression of a dolphin (allegedly), and has a fear of ladybugs.
Alexis Englund (Holdrege - 1st Year SHP) rocks a sweatshirt with cats on flying donuts every Friday. She has a job titled Professional Office Watcher. Alexis gets paid for watching five episodes everyday. At lunch she takes a break and gets Canadian Bacon pizza from Casey’s. When she finishes her pizza she goes and sits in her closet. In her closet Alexis remembers things that scare her like the spiders and Gary’s man bun. Her favorite color is tangerine but hates tangerines. Alexis loves the orange monkeys called Tamarins and plans to have one of her own someday. With the help of her cat, Puff, she plans to steal a Tamarin like she stole her brother’s Yu-Gi-Oh.
Delaney Ham (Holdrege - 1st year SHP)After the many trips to the hospital from running into the many glass doors and stars, Delaney Ham decided to spend even more time in a hospital and get a medical degree. She is a Gerontological Nurse Practitioner (almost...she has start AND finish high school first). Between her job and the many vacations to Disney World you can find her baking the world's best cupcakes for her personal business, Delaney’s Baking Me Crazy. She makes all of the goods from her huge ranch style house in Georgia. She says she moved there for the smell of peaches, but we all know it is because Zac Efron was filming his new movie there.
Elizabeth Lynn Meyers (Southern Valley - 1st Year SHP), who prefers to be called Liz, was born on May 27th, 2004. Liz loves playing with her six black pets while trying to keep them away from her two sisters, Alex and Tori. She often reminisces about the time a random guy walked up and started talking to her, despite them being total strangers. She struggles with nightmares about eating yellow onions all alone in a big hotel. To calm herself, she loves eating mac n’ cheese while watching NASCAR races.
Shelby Rickert (Beaver City- 1st Year SHP) Shelby Lynn Rickert is going to be a Freshman at Southern Valley High School. Shelby loves eating moon pies while playing with her dog that she dyed magenta because it is her favorite color. She likes roasting people who eat sloppy-joes because she hates them. Shelby puts baby diapers in the oven to burn so that she doesn’t have to see the poop green color. But the best thing about her is that the only reason why she would go to jail is because of getting too many tickets.
Gary Dop (Lynchburg, VA - 10th year SHP) is the over-bearing gerbil-hating dictator of the small country of Doptopia (aka Virginia.) He constantly hums the tune "Gary Dop Do Do Do Do Do Do Do." When he's not giving speeches about chocolate mousse and waterfalls with bunnies, he can be found in his newly-built treehouse with his three daughters and wonderful wife, Liz. Not our Liz. A different one. Gary can often be found searching the midnight sky for his pet gargoyle, Molasses, during blood moons. He is a world famous cat killer and flaming ax juggler, renowned for incorporating both in his circus acts as a clown. Be on the lookout for his book, "Father, Child, Water," as well as Gary himself; he's known to be something of a cryptid. He struggles with a unique type of insomnia, where he has nightmares about cows with holes in their sides.