Volume 39 ~ 2016
Creative Writing Instructor:
Cora Welton (Franklin - 5th year SHP) When Cora Lu isn’t eating Boston Baked Beans in celebration of her getting into a good college, she is tastefully growing different molds in her car. She loves to eat Mexican desserts, sumo wrestle big men, and accessorize her ‘hipster chic’ clothing with cat hair. After five years of putting up with the Creative Writing class, Cora decided she is the princess of the Ambience Room. Her favorites in life include hamsters, dingleberries, black bears, yellow, Disney movies, and potatoes. She manufactures the holes in Swiss cheese, alongside the spider silk no one finds in their cotton candy.
Anna Stenka (Alma - 3rd year SHP) is the current Cherry Cola Queen and wears her pop can crown with pride. She has also come to the scientific conclusion that Twin Bings do, in fact, make you leave your family. Her favorite thing on the internet is a picture of Meryl Streep dressed as Donald Trump. In the third grade, she wanted a telescope to look at the stars in the night sky and creep on the stars of Hollywood. She prefers her ice crushed instead of cubed in her daily glass of orphan tears. She is going to the University of Nebraska Lincoln in the fall to become a dictatorial volleyball referee.
Olivia McCain (Loomis - 2nd year SHP) Olivia Jeanne McCain is a proud member of the Hufflepuff house (because it has a funny-sounding name), who loves red M&Ms the most. In her free time she shape-shifts into Elsa, which is her ultimate super power. She once killed two-hundred and eleven moths in one night. She speaks fluent sarcasm, and is currently teaching the language to her brontosaurus, Johnny Cash. Her favorite physical feature of her own is the heart on her sleeve. She got this heart when someone stood in the way of Olivia and her sugar, and so she ripped their heart out of their chest.
Jade Gonzalez (Bertrand- 2nd year SHP) Jade lightens up the world of Bertrand with her confidence and creativeness. During the two weeks at creative writing this year, she accomplished not writing anything involving dead bodies, whoo! Jade wears mix-matched socks and other very stylish outfits. Not only does she share random facts with the class, but she brings donuts and popsicles, which shows how truly generous she is! Her contagious laugh is one of a kind and not to mention she is an amazing writer! She has an adorable sneeze and I hope you get to meet her before she turns 40, because she is convinced that she will die before then because anything older than that would be gross.
Liv O’Clair (Loomis - 2nd year SHP) is a famous dragon tamer and killer. She enjoys torturing young children by making them watch Disney, while she hunts dead bodies. Liv’s favorite color is Zac Efron’s eyes. She loves people stalking and hiding small children in your closet. She has 7 ¾ siblings and all of them are named Kobe (all of which are spelled differently.) Liv has the title of Snapchat Queen! She is famous for teaching Gary to use Snapchat. Liv was greatly affected by a crazy driver and a geological landscape which changed features. She is also influenced by a panda shooting air darts. This beauty always brings joy to the classroom, we can’t wait to see her next year!
Abby Waldo (Alma - 2nd year SHP) Ms. Abadab Waldo is really hard to find. Gary often asks, “Where’s Waldo?” We usually find her in the corner whispering lovelorn confessions into Yukon’s ears (Joe Biden never responded to her love letters). When she’s not looking at shirtless pictures of Adam Levine covered in blood, she’s storing raspberries in the depths of her crazy curly hair. Abadab is basically Princess Merida, but her hair isn’t red and she likes words more than arrows. If you want to be her friend, pretend to be a cat and bring her a mouse carcass.
Evy Holmes (Axtell - 1st year SHP) Evy Holmes is a creative guppy that was good enough to get into Creative Writing, and wasn’t one of the bottom five. Every day at exactly 3:00 p.m., Evy teleports to France and eats a baguette. For her free time she sacrifices goats to Satan and hides dead bodies for her friends because she is a good friend. She loves the smell of old books about dead people's love lives. Her favorite type of locker is the small kind that anyone can (temporarily) hide small children. Evy loves to look at 2nd Abby’s beautiful face all day long. She can never get enough of the fare-skinned lass that looks like Jennifer Lawrence. Even though she has never lost Yukon, she would never be good enough to hold the spot of gnome-keeper.
Maddie Cervera (Alma - 1st Year SHP) Maddie Cervera once derived in the beautiful mountains of Colorado, then spread her wings and flew to the bland hills of Alma, Nebraska. In her spare time she does whatever she wants because she has no spare time. She likes to read the back of Captain Crunch cereal boxes to find inspiration for her poetry. She dreams of sitting around the dining room table devouring spaghetti while her ginger husband and children feed off of souls. They will attempt to brainwash/train Maddie to do the same, despite obvious contrast in her ethnicity.
Abigail Cleveland (Franklin - 1st Year SHP) Abby enjoys sleeping in refrigerators in the sleepy hallow of Franklin. She spends her free time skydiving into gnome conventions and jump roping over braided horse tails. When she isn’t trying to train hop across oceans to Moscow to eat potatoes with the Russians, she’s making purple dessert spaghetti complete with chocolate chips, sprinkles, and childrens’ dreams. Abby secretly wants a cowboy to sweep her floors off into the sunset but keeps that secret close to her heart which is located in her big toe.
Sara Lundeen (Axtell - 1st Year SHP) Sara Lundeen is a hermit who lives outside the small country of New Zealand on her own island. She owns many goats to avoid the stereotype of being the crazy cat lady. She finds enjoyment in ranting about the trivial things in life and has successfully abducted the Marvel actors, forcing them to watch Lord of the Rings and Star Trek with her as part of their weekend activities. As a first year Summer Honors Program student, Sara suffers from severe withdrawals from her beloved nutella and is continuing this unhealthy obsession to this day.
Tessa Wagener (Holdrege - 1st Year SHP) Tessa Wagener originates from the totally terrible town of Holdrege, NE. Her life revolves around her unhealthy obsessions: Leonardo DiCaprio, Vance Joy, and Bruno Mars, (who are all her husbands, they just don’t know it yet.) In what little spare time she has, she watches the Titanic, another manic infatuation, on repeat. Wildlife activist, Tessa goes to places like the Ottoman Empire, Yugoslavia, Austro-Hungary, and other countries that don’t exist anymore in order to help preserve the native T-rex and bigfoot populations. One October 28th, the police approached her house about the skeleton in her front yard, which she claimed was a Halloween decoration. After that, Tessa learned to dig the graves in the backyard instead.
Jasmin Wengler (Franklin - 1st Year SHP) Miss Jasmin Wengler is of the Franklin Wenglers. She spends much of her free time spiking volleyballs into the faces of Math students, but also enjoys a nice cool down by swimming in the tears of her enemies (also Math students). This is also how she attains the beautiful blue streaks she has in her hair. Jasmin almost never sleeps; instead she lies in bed and rests her eyes, listening to the sweet serenade of smoke detectors until the early dawn. One time for Father’s Day, she bought her dad a new compound bow. When he was ‘acting like a baby,’ Jasmin sold the bow and got him a box of pacifiers instead. When Jasmin returns to Franklin, she hopes to take with her the things she learned at Summer Honors: how to care for gnomes, a love for Star Wars popsicles, and the turmoils of war.
Gary Dop (Instructor - 8th Year SHP) Imagine a fjord. On the foggy fjord, a Ford modified for water sails or drives, depending on your word view. From there, you can view Gary, who is a mythic creature with ten hooves and a bluebird in his heart. Once a year, he appears to humans as an instructor at SHP to corrupt the minds of young writers. This year he taught them all how to drink maps and to see through skin. On Tuesday, his face turned into fog for twenty minutes and the students took turns blowing on his face, which scattered all around the room and smelled of lingonberries. He lacks social etiquette and arrows. His strength is +4 and his armor is at -2. His bluebird’s strength is +400.